Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
just found out that she named her cat after me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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