I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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