I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
