Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
