while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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