I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
