mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
