my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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