Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
