Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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