Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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