dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
