Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
