Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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