I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize