I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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