I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
