so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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