Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize