I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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