very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
