so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
