I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
