one might say we're banned from that church
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
