I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
