u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
