Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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