i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
