she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i think my cat just said my name.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
