Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize