dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
