I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
