wat bout pragnant strippers??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
