there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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