a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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