i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
