Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
