So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
