3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
