Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
