it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
