You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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