is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
