i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
