That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize