nut hugger
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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