My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
