glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
