What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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