Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
MIDGETS
????
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
