So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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