my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My life is pants optional.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
