So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
