saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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