so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
