Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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