just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Houston, we have a squirter
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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