i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
