I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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