i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
