I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
