WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
