I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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