People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
