gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
