you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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