What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
