Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize