So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize